Hair Vegetables

Fun is the universal language.

While the title of this page is official, it comes from a non-English source.
If an official name from an English source is found, the page should be moved to its appropriate title.

The Hair Vegetables (ヘアーベジタボーズ^?, Heā Bejitabōzu) are onions, potatoes and beets that appear in Rhythm Tweezers.

The onions are yellow. They have big noses, big eyes with small pupils, whiskers, and big lips. They have darker yellow, vertical stripes over their bodies.

The beets are light purple (brown in the arcade version) with swirly patterns. Yet again, they share the same facial features as the previously mentioned vegetable.

Lastly, the potatoes are light brown with spots over them. They have the same eyes, noses, whiskers, and lips as the onions.

Their colors change to purple, light green and grey, respectively, in Rhythm Datsumo 2.

Story

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

B-b-b-bird, b-birdd's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word

A-well-a-bird, bird, b-bird's the word, a-well-a

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody's talking about the bird!

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, surfing bird, brr, brr, ah, ah

Ah, bap-a-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pap

Ma-ma-mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-ma-ma-mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-mow, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-mow

Ma-ma-mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word

A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a mow, mow, pa-pa, ma-ma-mow, pa-pa

Ma-ma-mow, ma-ma, mow, pa-pa

Chapter 1

Ding. A notification appears on your phone, right before you fall asleep. “It’s time for your daily Spanish lesson. Take 5 minutes now to complete it.” You groan and switch your phone to “Do Not Disturb,” then settle back in and wait for sleep.

You don’t know how long you sleep, but it seems like it’s only a few seconds before a shuffling and a creak pull you back into reality. You squint at the door, which was closed the last time you saw it, but now has been pushed open, revealing a dark figure.

Him.

“H-hola, Duo,” you manage, and he moves to the foot of your bed faster than should be possible. “You have no right to say that, bitch,” his low voice sends shivers through you. Your breath

catches, but you’re not certain it’s in fear. “You haven’t practiced your Spanish in five days.” What does that make you?”

You stare up at his broad form, wondering what he’s going to do—it’s never gone this far. “Naughty?”

“Can you say that in Spanish?”

“No.”

“Then you’ve been very naughty indeed.” He’s pulled the sheets off of you, and the sharp air makes you tense, but you make no move to grab for them. It’s better to stay still. He reaches forward and brushes down your bare skin, his feathers leaving you wanting more.

“How will you punish me?” you whisper. He’s pulled his wing away and you find your body reaching to feel him once more.

“How do you think I’ll punish you?” A feather lightly brushes your foot, and you forget how to breathe for a second as you begin to imagine what he might do. You realize you’re not afraid at all anymore, and the shivers he’s sending through your body are due to something else entirely.

“I—I don’t—” you struggle to respond, and he leans over you, massive fluffy chest pinning you to the bed. You breathe in the intoxicating scent of him—dead mice and pine bark mixed with the soft smell of downy feathers.

He leans into your ear, his beak clipping your skin. “I don’t think you’re worth my time.” He pulls back, leaving a void around you. “What?”

“It’s been five days. You clearly don’t want to learn Spanish, so I’ll stop pushing you.” You protest before you can think, “No!”

He tilts his head. “Really?”

“Please... I do want to keep learning... I swear...”

He’s back at the door. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He turns to go.

“Wait!” You cry, making his head swivel back toward you. “Please, when will I see you again?”

“Keep a streak for three days and we’ll see.” And with that, he disappears without even a whisper of wings.

Was he even real or was he just a dream?

You slide the covers back up your body, then notice something stuck in the fabric. You turn the light on to get a better look, and there it is: a green feather.

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary

Duo’s back, baby

I stand in her window, savoring the way the wind ruffles the feathers on my back. She’s laying in bed, completely innocent and helpless, her side rising and falling with the deep breaths of sleep. I almost feel bad for waking her. But not quite.

I hop into her room and lean close to her ear. “Hoot hoot.”

Her eyes fly open and immediately meet mine. “Duo.” Her voice is trembling.

I smile. “Do you know why I’m here?”

I hear her heartbeat pick up. “I... I haven’t had time...”

I stroke a feather down her cheek, enjoying her shiver. “All I ask for is five minutes a day. Is that really so difficult?”

She swallows. “I’m sorry...”

“Sorry won’t cut it. Don’t you remember my last visit?”

Her cheeks flush. “I do.”

I lean close to her, feeling the heat radiate from her skin. “This kind of behavior needs to be punished.”

She goes still, and her heart is so loud it might as well be mine. I hop onto the bed, smiling when she gasps. I pull the sheet off of her, revealing the smooth skin of her stomach, and lightly drag a talon across her. She inhales sharply, and I look into her eyes, big and innocent.

I hover the talon above her. “Do you agree?”

“Y-yes. I need to be punished.”

I prod the talon into her soft skin. “Can you say that in Spanish?”

She whimpers. “Um. Sí. Quiero... no... necesito.... i can’t...” Her accent is atrocious.

I drag the talon, still dug deep, down the same path as before, this time leaving a stripe of red skin behind it. “That’s what I thought.”

She shivers. Her reaction is different than usual, not scared enough. “Please...”

I tilt my head. “Please what?” Surely she doesn’t want me to—

“Keep going.” She moves her head so that the curve of her neck is exposed. “I need to be punished,” she looks me up and down. “Daddy.”

Her neck... I lean in and nip at it. “Don’t call me that.”

She moans. “Oh, would you prefer Papí?”

I nip her again. “Definitely not.”

She shifts under my weight. “Well what do you want?”

I look down at her body beneath mine, pinned to the bed. She has goosebumps where my feathers touch her. “You.” I lean down and bite her skin again, enjoying the chew of it in my beak, and the noises she makes with each bite— helpless, pleading noises. I move on from her neck to the curve of her collarbone, her chest, lower....

She heaves with each breath. “Oh god, Duo...”

I bear down more, biting hard enough now to draw blood, tasting her life in my mouth. I know I’m breathing heavily now, too, shaking with desire. I’m losing control. She moans loudly, and I pull away.

“What?” She pants. Her scent is strong with desire, and sweat has beaded on her forehead. “Duo?” I suck in a breath. I have to stay in control. “You... you’re enjoying this.”

Panic flashes in her eyes. “I..”

My breath returns. “This isn’t a punishment anymore, is it?” And it dawns on me— I remember her strange disappointment when I left last time. I didn’t understand it then, but now... I grin evilly. “But you know what might be a fitting punishment...” I hop back to my perch on the window.

She sits up, reaching. “No, please...”

She looks so helpless, and the bruises where I bit her call to me. I almost return to her, if it weren’t for the pleasure I get from knowing how much this disappoints her, her desperation. I smile. “Sweet dreams.” And with that, I jump off of the sill into the night.

Consummation

Chapter Summary

The reader finds Duo and begs to be finished.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

I sit alone on a hill, the languages of the world working through my brain. I can see the whole city from here, the tiny mortals tucking in for the night. All is well.

I smell her before I hear her trying to creep up behind me. She smells like fear, a mouse just before its skin is torn to shreds. But also-- I swallow-- she smells like lust. I turn to her.

She’s standing 20 feet away, breathing hard. The wind has her hair, and it’s waving it in front of her face. Her thin dress is also floating in the breeze, and she shivers in the cold air. “Duo,” she says my name softly, but she knows I can hear it. Her voice drips with need, speaking a language that doesn’t need to be taught.

I fly to her, enjoying the way she jumps when I land, tasting her fear. “What are you doing here?”

She glances away. “I-- you never came back.” Her eyes flit to mine. “I missed you.”

I scoff. “Okay.”

“I did.” She puts hand on my wing, lightly, so lightly. “I’ve learned 2,406 words in Spanish. For you.”

“I noticed.” I’ve been tracking her progress. I don’t usually watch so closely. I don’t know why she fascinates me so much.

“But you haven’t rewarded me.” She tilts her face up in order to look directly at me, her full lips parted, her eyes wide. She’s so fucking human, so weak, and I wonder what it would be like to push her to her limits.

“I didn’t realize I needed to reward you.”

“Please,” she whispers, steeling her grip. “I need you. Don’t leave me hanging again.”

I look down at her. So helpless, so willing to do anything I ask. I want to bend her, to scar her, make her scream. And I know she wants it too. But I hold back. “Do you know what I am?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t care.”

I fly up, catching the back of her dress with my talons, then soar through the night, landing on the highest tree I can find. I drop her onto a branch and perch next to her. “You really don’t care.”

She smells almost entirely of fear now, and I know I could hear her heartbeat from a mile away. “I know what you are.”

I suck in a breath. “Say it.”

She grips the tree. “You fly silently. You only come out at night. You smell like mouse bones.”

I know. God, I know. “Say it.”

“You’re an owl.”

I huff a laugh. “And what could you know about that? You have no idea how powerful I am. The things I could do to you.”

She puts a gentle hand on my talon. “I don’t care.” When I look at her, she’s blushing furiously. “I still want you. I still need you. Please.”

I have lived for a million years and have yet to learn impulse control. “Is that the best you can do?”

She looks up, tears welling in her eyes from need. “What?”

I kick her hand off of me. “You can’t even beg properly?”

It takes a second to hit her, then she looks into my eyes hopefully and throws herself at my feet. “Please. I need you. I would do anyth--”

“Anything?” Fuck, I’ve lost it now. “Jump.”

She looks down. The ground is at least 100 feet below us. “I--”

“If you really want me. If you trust me. Jump.” My heartbeat picks up, feeding off of her fear.

Slowly she stands. Looks down again. “You’ll catch me?”

I nod, swallowing. She’s gonna do it.

She does. She jumps. I swoop down after her, waiting until the last minute before catching her on my back. “Good job.”

She’s panting, sweating, laughing. “Fuck.” She leans against me, her complete trust and need for me seeping from her pores.

I let her down in a meadow. “So you’re sure.”

She’s on her back, still breathless, and lets her legs fall open.”I’m sure.”

I bend in, nipping her neck. “You have been very good.”

Her head falls back. “Thank you. Thank you, master.”

I rest a talon at her neckline. “Are you going to take this off or should I take it off of you?”

She catches her breath. “You can take it off me.”

I drag my talon down, hard, tearing through the fabric of the dress, letting it fall to the side, revealing her tiny body, quivering in excitement. “What a good student.”

Her chest is rising and falling rapidly. “I do it for you, master.” I drag my talon along the length of her, and her back arches into my touch. I move my talon lower, gently feeling between her legs. She moans, moving them further apart.

I pull my talon away; it’s slick. I bite her again, this time enough to draw blood, and she moans loudly. I smile. “Do you want me?”

“Please,” her voice is almost gone.

I grip her hips with my talons, digging in, pinning her down with my weight. I grind against her, savoring the mix of pain and pleasure on her face, going as slowly as I can stand in order to make her squirm beneath me.

“Harder,” she gasps.

I pull away, just a bit. “Be patient.”

She whimpers, and I know she wants to tell me that she has been patient, but she holds her tongue, holds back. She goes still.

I nuzzle my beak into her neck. “Good girl.” I grind against her again, harder, and decide I’ve had enough of holding back.

I keep going, harder, faster, and she grips my feathers and moans uncontrollably. “Ahh, Duo. . .” Her fingers squeeze tighter, and I feel her legs tense around me. “I’m gonna come. . .”

I push harder, aching, breathless at the sensation of her flesh against mine. “éjaculation. . .” push. “ejakulation. . .” again, harder. “射精. . .” again, squeezing her harder with my talons. “эякуляция,” I can feel it, so close. . . and then it comes, and I feel myself release, “eyaculación. . .”

She moans, thrusting against me one more time before falling back, out of breath. “Thank. . . you. . .”

I let go, feeling a rush of pleasure at the marks where my talons dug into her skin. She’s damp all over, like a fresh chick, and her eyes are closed. “Are you alright?”

Her eyes open and meet mine. “More than alright. Thank you.”

She manages to get onto my back, and I fly to her window, letting her settle onto her bed, watching the way her body slowly arches, as if she has yet to come down. I guess I am still feeling it, too, because I can’t help but bite her one last time, just below the collarbone, before I disappear back into the night.

Chapter End Notes

Appearances

Gallery

Artwork from Rhythm Tengoku
Solo artwork from Rhythm Tengoku
Solo artwork from Rhythm Tengoku
Solo artwork from Rhythm Tengoku
Screenshot from Rhythm Tengoku (Arcade)
Watermalone.jpg

Screenshot from Rhythm Tengoku (Arcade)
Screenshot from Rhythm Tengoku (Arcade)
Artwork from Rhythm Heaven
Sprite from Rhythm Heaven
Hairy Onion 3DS.png

Artwork for Rhythm Tweezers from Rhythm Heaven Megamix
Hairy Onion Harry.png

Artwork for Rhythm Tweezers 2 from Rhythm Heaven Megamix
Prerelease image from Rhythm Heaven Megamix
Hairy onion 2.png

Artwork from Game & Wario
Gw2.png

Cameo in Game & Wario
Screenshot from WarioWare Gold
Screenshot from WarioWare Gold
Screenshot from WarioWare Gold
HairyVegetablesPlushies.jpg

Official Hair Vegetables Plushies^{[citation needed]}

Trivia

In Machine Remix, the light bulb variants of the onion still have an onion-like top; however, it remains off-screen.
In the credits for the Pirates minigame in Game & Wario, the name Harry Onion (毛深いタマネギ^?, Kebukai Tamanegi) is mentioned, likely referring to one of the onions.
The Hair Vegetables appear in WarioWare Gold in the microgame Rhythm Tweezers.

In Other Languages

Language	Name	Meaning
Japanese	ヘアーベジタボーズ	Hair Vegetables

Harry Onion

Language	Name	Meaning
Japanese	毛深いタマネギ	Hairy Onion
English^NOA	Harry Onion^[1]
English^NOE	Harry Onion^[1]
Spanish	Harry Onion^[2]

References

↑ Game & Wario, Pirates [1] (English)
↑ Game & Wario, Pirates [2] (Spanish)

[1] Game & Wario, Pirates [1] (English)

[2] Game & Wario, Pirates [2] (Spanish)

[1]

[2]